Kelton of Bruce
Alias(es): Kelton Bruce
Apparent Age: 33
Concept: Studious Elder with Poor Coping Skills
Physical description: Tall, athletic and plain.
Known to be Irish historian and student of popular culture.
Mickey the Pikey from the movie Snatch
"Of course I'm hard to talk to. I'm stupid."
"I'm sorry you had to correct me. I shouldn't have opened my stupid mouth."
"Hopefully hitting myself in the face with a hammer will help me come up with a good solution."
- Kelton of Bruce has studied so much popular culture that he is worthless to society.
- Was Embraced due to his studious "secretary" skills.
- Types 200 words per minute.
- Is quite vocal about his self-hate.
- Hates middle-easterners.
- Has multiple personalities.
- Kelton of Bruce is fanatically loyal to James MacPherson, and will do anything for him.
- Kelton can throw a paperclip over 2 miles.
- The self-debasement is an act. He's just afraid of being alone, so he makes a huge fuss about being stupid to get people to pay attention to him.
- Academic papers published by Kelton (under aliases):
- Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote: Absurdist Logic Reflecting Degenerating Social Mores
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a Reflection of American Phobias of the Other
- The Redemption in Self-Hatred
- "The Jeffersons" versus "Sandford and Son": What Are Black People Really Like?
- "Pathos and Comedy in a Digital Age: The Drama of LOLcats."
- "Be All My Sins Remembered: the Kama Sutra and American Politicians"
- Kelton thinks 'Haqim" is bullshit and wants to slap the towels off the heads of every clanmate who acts like they know him personally.