Jack Sebastien - Deceased
Real Name: Jack Andrew Sebastien is his only known name.
Apparent Age: Mid 30s
Concept: Angry Don Quixote screaming at the windmills.
Physical description: Nondescript white male.
Detailed Status: Acknowledged, Determined, Honorable, Influential, Loyal,
Loyal (Lost in Sacramento 4/28/12 after he withered and beatdown Alesandre)
He's just this guy. This angry, angry guy.
He is a Brujah. Once a respected leader in the clan, he's now become almost an Autarkis and usually posts in a hit-and-run fashion on the rant list. He considers many Brujah to be Caitiff because of their lack of conviction and inability to have an opinion that they can articulate.
He used to be the Prince of San Francisco. He got into a public shouting match with Igor Ctarinov, former Nosferatu Justicar; a Conclave was called by Justicar Titus Petronius Niger, and Sebastien was put on trial. While he won the Conclave, Petronius announced he had declared Praxis and that Sebastien had been killed.
He was an Archon to Justicar Lucinde. Three months after his apparent death, he was announced as an Archon to Justicar Lucinde. As Archon, he has kept an eye on internal threats to the Camarilla, policing those whose actions and opinions are contradictory to the Camarilla.
Five years after that, Justicar Petronius apologized to Jack Sebastien and gave him the status of Determined for his protection and defense of the spirit of the Camarilla.
He was one of the longest serving publicly-known Archons. He was acutely aware that his methods often upset people who might be positively inclined to him, and that the manner in which he points out Kindred for their crimes and/or general inadequacies as individuals were frequently seen as counter-productive and that he would have been able accomplish so much more by either turning a blind eye, being silent, or being polite, but he's a Brujah, and he could give a fuck about what you think of him.
Six and a half years after that, he quits in a rage over his disillusionment in the Justicariate and the Justicar he serves.
Currently the Brujah Primogen of Chicago. Because hey, Paul was the Harpy of Hartford, so why not?
None. People used to claim him in theirs, but he's pretty much determined to be a free agent and rapidly becoming a liability.
They used to tolerate him.
His own clan if they keep acting stupid.
Lucky for him, a lot of people hate his enemies slightly more than they hate him
A pile of ashes. Jack says that his sire was an anarch Brujah that embraced Jack and dumped him.
Unknown. There is one Kindred that claims Jack embraced him one night in Vancouver while in the middle of a drug haze. Jack has never publicly declared this anarch his childe. The anarch was killed by Qelyn Ellyllon, a Tremere.
Jack has referred to a broodmate that was in the Sabbat and attempted to kill him. Due to Jack's relationship with his sire, while he suspects there are broodmates out there, he has no knowledge of them, or a real desire to find them.
[V.O.] My name is Jack Sebastien. I used to be an Archon, until...
Jack: [Standing on an observation deck in Berlin] I hope that whatever Pascek gave you was worth it. I quit.
[V.O.] When you're burned, you've got nothing. No status, no boons, no position. You're stuck in whatever domain they decide to dump you in.
Jack: Where am I?
Katja: I got you matching collars. One for you. One for the Ocelot.
[V.O.] You do whatever work comes your way. You rely on anyone who's still talking to you. A trigger-happy ex-primogen...
Cassandra Lynn-Day: Shall we stake them?
[V.O.] An old friend who used to inform on you to the Ventrue...
Jack Rogan: You know Archons. Bunch of bitchy little girls.
[V.O.] Family too...
Rogan: Hey, is that you texting Katja again?
[V.O.] ...if you're desperate.
Katja: Someone needs their balls kicked, Jack.
[V.O.] Bottom line is: as long as you're burned, you're not going anywhere.
The Roast of Shanghai Kelly
Current Theme Songs -
Past Songs -
"You can't do what I do."
I already know the answer, I just want to hear the lie.
"I think we can agree to disagree." Thea
"I think we can agree that you're a fucking moron."
"If there's one thing I've learned in 6 and a half years as an Archon, never fucking assume the completely stupid isn't possible"
"I thought you said he was smart?"
"I'm fine. Everything is just peachy, the world is my oyster and there are so many new opportunities ahead of me. The future is stupid."
"Did you really just answer me with 'nuh-uh'?"
"What was your status?"
"My name is Tanner."
"What did you just say?" "Really?" "Seriously?" "You're kidding right?" "Stop right there, think about what you just said, and let's try again." "Can you count to six?"
"Before you answer that question, remember that I'm a Brujah, that means I have a short attention span, and shorter temper."
"Be the Brujah."
"Kurlien says insert hobby here is supposed to help me with my temper. I don't think it's working, I just want to punch something."
"You really do take insults to the next level." - Archon "Cindy Brady"
"That guy has balls the size on Montana. Too bad he has the popularity of Northern Alaska." -Johnathan Gwynn
"I didn't realized I stuttered."
"Stop. Before you finish that sentence, remember who you're talking too. Be very careful about what you say next. Please. I really don't want to have to deal with the paperwork."
"Loved you in 2Fast 2Furious." - To Paul Walker at Midwinter 2005.
That really is none of your business.
"Oh my fucking god, I fucking hate [noun]."
"Creating a list doesn't need a Conclave, just leadership, not passive aggressive crowd-sourcing."
From the Roast of Shanghai Kelly
As a former Archon, your picky to a lot of facts and stories in your head, and there's one I'd like to share with you now.
So, Shanghai Kelly heard that Art Morgan was looking for Archons, since heíd just been made Justicar and needed people. And, since most of you here have met Shanghai, you know that he'd just show up, unannounced, start talking, and work his way in.
"So, what can you do?" Art Morgan asks.
Now Shanghai wasn't born yesterday and he knew his job was on the line. He needed the best and the brightest our society had to offer." So he traveled the world to collect some of the Cam's best and brightest. And he took them into Art Morgan's hazy, hazy crib. The tension in the air was thicker than the fog in the bay on the night he's dumping the bodies.
There was some discreet puff, puff pass action from the Justicar and then he looked Kelly right in his good eye and said... "Show me what you've got, Archon."
Shanghai smiles his snake-oil selling grin, that he won of ol' scratch in a game of whist back in ought-four. "Well Art, I'm glad you asked, right glad indeed. We start in Elysium, a rolling green lawn of a place, with Dean Famularo, his nose twitching like a rutting pig in heat, is sniffing for buried snakes, like they were the finest of french truffles. He digs one out, pulling on this trouser snake, like there's an abstinencetrain coming and he wants something to pretend to atone for. Now, Dean, being an otaku, and that it's in clan, let's out a mighty shart, and inky black tentacles erupt, choking this snake, like it was a chicken for Sunday dinner.
Then, along comes Jacen Pompeii, and he's investigating master control of the mid-Atlantic, Roscoe Gordon, acting the part of an independent Prince assumes the contrary position and the Archon charges up his anger into a little known Brujah power called Flaming Broomstick and makes his case to Prince Gordon until Gordon changes opinion to see Jacen's light. Justicar Cock Robin appears and makes him and Archon at which point Archon Gordon realize's, 'oh my god, Jacen Pompeii raped me!'
And then came Johnny Giovanni. I mean Johnny Gwynn. I mean... let's just call him what his mother named him: 'Daigo Kardashian'. He was crawling on his hands and using Kate Davidson as a hat in what the eye-tlian necromancers like to call a 'Venetian Afterbirth.' He comes to a glass table where Archon Eva Luna and Sexretary Devon Thane casting the Ritual called the Rubbing of the Thaumaturgical Scissors and vomits blood over them called Glass Bottomed Gondala.
This may need to be edited for the harpy report.
As we come to the emotional center of the act, Anya, who seems to have more questionable kindred slid into her than the domain of Tampa steps up. She squats over the burning black chest of Moloch. Squirming as if possessed by a milleneials old spirit, she grimaces and grunts and expunges her blood congealed into a slimy solid form and, there in front of Caine with 'e' and Camarilla she shits out a Hartford Steamer, atop of Moloch's chest. Few others could take such a colossal dump on the representatives of the Camarilla, but she did. Almost as if she was shitting on the Camarilla itself. And then the blood in the shit congealed and that mighty dump turned into goddam Paul Walker. With a grin and a wink at the crowd, Moloch, Anya, Paul Walker and his ego, slip out of space and time to complete the Pocket Foursome.
Rushing in to put a stop to the insanity and save the soul of the Sect, in rush Archons Nicholas Tept and Saul Good, an unholy buddy cop duo with Saul saying "I'm too crazy for this year," and he slips into frenzy
Tept rushing to his aid says 'I can infuse Saul Good with my purity!' And proceeds to unzip his pants and drops them on the floor and there... there is a weapon in the fight for good and lightness. For you see, Nicholas Tept does not have the genitals of a normal kindred. For once, several years ago, he lost his powerful sorcerer's cock and balls to Francis Merovin in a poker game - which is incidentally how Archon Merevin got his magic groove back. There instead of the groin so common to normal men on Magus Tept was a proud magestic unicorn horn strap on. And god as my witness he gently bent saul good over the back of a couch and started to "infuse" Saul Good on the spot. In and out, in and out, he was infused with so much purity that is started to leak out of Saul Good's cock faster than Elias Beecher could catch it."
Art Morgan lets out a strangled gasp, "Beecher?"
Shanghai's crocodile like grin, letting off it's foul malicious taint, spreads wider. "Oh yes, for Archon Beecher, is there, acting as the plucky stage hand that get's his lucky break and is made into a star."
Soon in an effort to perserve the holy mana which would be necessary to fight the Raid Boss, and save society until next winter, Saul grabbed Elias gently yet firmly by the ears and used his mouth to catch the glistening holy balm. And Elias, despite the fact it burned his unholy flesh took it all inside him. Then he pulled away and a quizical look flashed over his chereub-esque features. 'Wait, that doesn't taste like holy mana, it tastes like bleach.'. ... Holy Nyarlathotep, Saul Good just raped me."
"It's not Rape," cried Saul Good, still with Nick Tept's rampant horn clenched between his asscheeks. ìIt's a secret ritual of the Order of St. Michael. It's a secret Tremere demon-fighting rite... I learned it from Selene. ... ... Sweet Jesus, Selene Lazarion raped me."
So, Shanghai finishes, hands clasped together against his chest, chuckling to himself having recounted the whole act.
Art Morgan was outraged. He stood, looking solemly at the assembeled Avengers of Fire and in a low rumbling voice that sounded like rocks grind together he asked "What, Archon Kelly, is this?"
Shanghai removes his hat and leans in, pulling down his glasses so you can see his one good eye, "Well sir, you see before you the heroes of the Camarilla. The best and brightest we have to offer in these dark time. I give you.... The Aristocrats."
- Got a copy of Skyrim and hasn't been seen in months.
- He hates you. He hates you a lot. You're doing it wrong.
- Punched Ravachol in the face over a girl.
- He's no longer on "vacation."
- Is suicidal.
- Has Obtenebration.
- Learned Obtenebration from Dean Famularo
- Once attempted to murder Justicar Titus Petronius Niger.
- Has a long memory and uses it frequently, usually in ways that make dumber kindred very uncomfortable.
- He's blood bound to Lucinde, Archon Trask, Archon Griffyne Lake, Tiffany Cole, the Ventrue Clan, some guy named bob...
- He's Lucinde's stick that she uses to stir the pot when things get dull.
- Jack is an apostate of Set.
- He's never really killed anyone, just got the hornets buzzing to the point they kill each other.
- Has never been thought to be a Setite. This makes Jack sad and feel left out.
- Jack thinks you are a Setite.
- Is Lucinde's favorite Archon.
- It's not that Jack is Lucinde's favorite but more her pitbull.
- Pitbull or not. He's still her favorite.
- It's not that Jack is Lucinde's favorite but more her pitbull.
- Likes to abuse his Amex Black card.
- The stress of the Camarilla not getting any better seems to be getting to him.
- Loses fights on purpose to expose the hypocrisy of his opponent. Chances are, he always has the upper hand.
- Quoted the Bushido to screw with the Takanos, but has lately come to believe it.
- Once told a Brujah "elder" to fuck himself in order to be knocked unconscious during a rant so he could "stop having to listen to the whining." That elder is dead now.
- Everytime he sees a red-head with green eyes, he thinks he's going insane.
- It's not that he thinks he is going insane when he sees red hair and green eyes, he's just insane.
- Has a stormy relationship with Queen Anne.
- Told Pascek to his face that his archons sucked and he needed to do something about them.
- Called Jon Sebastian (no relation) a Caitiff because Jon told him to bend and take Ctarinov's deal.
- Because of that, calls most Brujah he thinks aren't worthy of notice Caitiff.
- Johnny "Not-a-Giovanni" will not forgive him for the slights he endured at Jack's scalpel-tongue in San Francisco.
- Despite his position as Archon to Lucinde, it is rumored that a famous German Prince wants to see Jack back as Prince of San Francisco.
- Something recently changed. He's gone from seeming slightly happy to very emo.
- Green-eyed Red Heads seem to play a large role in his life.
- Seems to be really effected by the death of Katja
- She got better.
- Did he?
- She got better.
- Jack is actually a romantic, and has a heart of gold. Don't call him on it, though. He'll probably just break your face.
- He makes possessive jealousy look positively adorable, somehow.
- Is jealous of the underwear model
- Golden Rule
- Home - Breaking Benjamin
- Break Your Heart
- If Shanghai Kelly is Foghorn Leghorn, then Jack Sebastien is the Chicken Hawk
- Was conclaved before Paul Walker made it mainstream.
- The big difference between Jack and Paul? Jack doesn't edit the negative rumors off of his Wikipage.
- Couldn't take the job after the Faultless Justicars fucked up again
- Believes that Justicar Lucinde is under the bad influence of some of the 'higher-up' Archons.
- Paul has recently(?) learned to harness the power of Jack Sebastien's enormous jealousy and resentment towards him. Such is its intensity, Paul no longer requires blood to rise at night or to activate most disciplines.
- Jack really only thinks about Paul when Paul is talking about him.
- Sadly, that happens way too often and at inconvenient times.
- Jack really only thinks about Paul when Paul is talking about him.
- Would put rumors on Paul's page, but that would hurt Paul's feelings.